her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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