time to smoke my breakfast
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize