walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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