ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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