Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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