the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My dick has a subreddit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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