Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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