I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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