I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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