I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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