i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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