Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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