we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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