legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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