I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize