I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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