Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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