see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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