i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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