Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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