so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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