Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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