drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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