Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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