we have officially lost it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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