Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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