It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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