and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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