Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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