Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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