Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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