Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize