Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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