I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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