4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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