I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I smell stomach acid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize