he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the condom got lost in my hair
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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