I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize