Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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