We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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