I think my vagina is haunted
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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