You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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