Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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