My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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