everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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