So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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