I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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