When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize