If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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