even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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